I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
