I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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