You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
