Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
