Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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