Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize