It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
