All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
