I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
