I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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