guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Randomize
