there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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