I'm so fucking centered right now
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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