Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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