woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
how drunk are you?
Several
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
