D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
