I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
