Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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