Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize