So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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