Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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