I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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