Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize