Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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