We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
