one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Come on in and take your pants off
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