Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
