You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
