i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
