you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
