I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
