Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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