His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Acid is not a monday night drug
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
