This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry about my life...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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