im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize