Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
