dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize