After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
