talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
