In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
