is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
