when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
