so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
