My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
