hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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