I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You ruined the universe
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize