Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
