So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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