VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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