I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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