The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize