who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
