You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize