Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
