still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
