Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
