Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
