I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
