Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
