I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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