There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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