You really coming over, don't trick.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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