No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
