Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
