you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
