Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
