is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
