Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
