I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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