No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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