My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
