I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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