you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
