Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
