Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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