i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Mom said you looked used
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my poor anus
did i just pee glitter
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
