Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
