can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
