I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
