i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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