Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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