FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I did not marry a roomba.
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