I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
