im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Damn victory sex feels great
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
