I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
