Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
