there's paper in my vomit.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
