The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize