Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
