i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
