My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize