do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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