there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
