she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We left the knife in your bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
