Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
