I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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