he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
