Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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