The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
