Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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