Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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