i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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