I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
