She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
