Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
